I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
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I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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