Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
no you cant smoke seaweed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
