All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
