I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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