No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
