shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
