she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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