he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
