I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
