Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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