I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
