Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
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Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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