Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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