Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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