Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
