after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I want a musical about memes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
