Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
