Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize