Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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