were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
