I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
