eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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