He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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