you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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