I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
