So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize