Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
