How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
