he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
