I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
