he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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