Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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