Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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