is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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