I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
