remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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