I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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