I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
