oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
