just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
