I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
