Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
