We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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