You're a womanizer and a bitch.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
