Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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