You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize