dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
3pm strippers are depressing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
