All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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