My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize