Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
