And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I didn't notice because vodka
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
