i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
