peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The best revenge is premature balding
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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