I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
