ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize