If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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