What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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