where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
