I should be sponsored by Trojan
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
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