i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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