I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
