we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
