Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
